Five years ago, on my 40th birthday, I made a decision. I had been waiting for most of my adult life to travel and see the world. In my early 20’s, I didn’t have the income to afford it. In my late 20’s, I had a spouse who was not as eager as me to travel. In my 30’s, my friends were having kids and settling down. I realized that, if this was indeed a passion of mine, there was no more time to lose. If I was going to do this, I was going to have to do it alone.
And so, close to my 40th birthday, I made the decision to book a flight to London, England. I went alone. And I have been going on my own ever since. It’s been five years since that first big leap, and there have been many adventures in between. Invariably, at some point in the process, someone will ask: “You travel alone? All by yourself? But don’t you…..”
…….get nervous?
……. get scared?
…….get lonely?
I understand these questions, as I asked all of them prior to booking my first international trip. I went into my initial experience thinking: well, it’s better than not going at all. But, my first trip ended up being so much more than that for me. It was thrilling and empowering. And, over the past five years, it has become addicting.
But, don’t you get nervous….
Before my first international trip, I was terribly nervous. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know if I would be able to navigate the customs of a different culture, I didn’t know if I would be able to find my way around. I picked England for my first voyage, as at least I would know the language. Since that trip, I have branched out quite a bit. I’ve moved from the safety of English-speaking countries to countries like Romania, France, Italy, and the Czech Republic.
I would be lying if I told you I don’t get nervous before each trip. Of course I get a bit anxious. But, I have found that the anxiety usually disappears the minute I arrive in the airport, make it through customs, and start navigating my way. The first time I do anything on an international trip (whether it be hail a cab, order dinner, or go to the grocery store) I get a bit timid. Will anyone speak English? Will I be able to figure out the transportation system? Will I be able to make my way around the grocery store? Will I be able to order dinner in a restaurant? The answer has always been yes.
One thing I do to alleviate my worries ahead of time, is watch youtube videos. Before my recent trip to Italy, for example, I watched a video on the train system. I’m glad I did, as it explained that you have validate your ticket prior to boarding the train by finding a small, easy-to-miss, kiosk. I also watched a video on protocols in the grocery store, where I learned that grabbing fruit and vegetables without wearing plastic gloves is a faux pas. These are little things, but watching the videos ahead of time brought my anxiety level down and raised my confidence.
So, do I get nervous? A bit. But my anxiety lowers with each trip. There is a wealth of information out there online to help me every step of the way. I have never been in a situation that did not sort itself out. Even the moment I was pulled over by Czech police on my way to Cesky Krumlov with a friend. But that’s for another blog.
But, don’t you get scared……
It’s one thing to be a little nervous about social customs, but quite another thing to feel fear. And many wonder if I am not afraid traveling alone as a single woman. Aren’t I worried about being attacked, in a foreign country with no one to help me? And the answer is, yes. As a woman, I am concerned about my safety. But that concern is always there. I approach my lodging at night with my keys out in front of me, ready to quickly unbolt the door. I am wary of anyone walking too closely behind me, especially in the evening. I walk briskly and with intent after 10pm, aware of my surroundings and on alert. But this is my behavior in Heritage Hill, Grand Rapids as much as it is my behavior abroad.
And, at the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I fear for my safety much more in the good ol’ USA than I ever have overseas. After all, my own physical attack was in Chicago at the hands of two all-American boys. Also, America’s obsession with guns is ever present in my mind, especially as a teacher. I breathe easier when I am overseas, knowing the people in possession of firearms are trained professionals. Regardless, there is no predicting violence. And I can’t let a fear of violence stop me from living my life.
In fact, much of my travel is therapeutic for me. Directly after my assault, I curled into a ball. I put on weight. I stopped going out. I was living in fear. It took a few years, and a fair amount of therapy, for me to get my strength back. Traveling alone internationally is a symbol of that strength for me.
My friend Chris was driving me to the airport before my Italy trip, and she said: I’m proud of you. You’re so bad-ass. And it struck me. Yes, it is bad-ass and brave traveling alone. And I’ve been doing it. I’ve been taking my life back in a spectacular way. And each adventure shapes me into the woman I am meant to be.
But don’t you get lonely…..
I was eating dinner at any outdoor cafe in Bologna the night before my return to the states. I was finishing my glass of wine, people watching, and enjoying the music in the square. And I felt lonely. Sitting around me were families walking home from an afternoon of activity, walking their dogs in the square or riding their bikes. I was surrounded by tables of friends, or lovers, or families. And I was lonely. I wanted to share a glass of wine with someone. I wanted a lover to laugh with, to walk home with. I felt sad.
But that feeling came and went, as most emotions do.
Just as I recall the feeling of loneliness, I also recall feelings of extreme gratefulness. I felt grateful when I saw a frazzled woman, trying to juggle exhausted children while her husband walked a few steps ahead of her, oblivious. I felt grateful when I saw a woman staring sadly over the head of a man she no longer loved, a man she felt stuck with, a man who didn’t see her sadness. I felt grateful when I saw a woman trying to shush her spouse as he attempted to argue with her over dinner, his voice level rising. I felt grateful in the perfect silence of the art museum, or on the park bench, or walking the cobblestoned streets while lost in my thoughts.
I felt people’s glances. I felt their slight envy. For a moment, they wished they were me. They wished they were sitting in perfect peace, pouring wine into their glass, and catering to themselves and themselves only. And I have that. I am grateful for it.
So do I get lonely? Sure. From time to time. But, most of the time, I feel free. Grateful. Truly alive. And those times come more often than not. 
Will I continue to travel alone? You bet I will. Just me, my map, and a whole lot of dreams. After all, I am never truly alone. I fall in love with each place I visit, and the place and its people stay with me long after I leave.
You Travel Alone? But, Don’t You…….
The Traveling Teacher 
There are no words that can adequately describe how incredibly inspired by you, and proud of you I am. This post was on time and on target. In the last two months, I have had kernels of inspiration that have led me to my “Operation Grey Gardens,” an extensive reconstruction. This post hit a nerve, in the most wonderful way. I realize after reading these words that I have been on a “smoke break” from life. I have fed into my fear of taking up space in the world by not only physically shrinking myself, but staying in one place. I was a very well traveled child. I was beyond blessed to come from a diverse, “global” family, and my grandparents believed learning that history up close would have more of an impact on me than sitting in a classroom. My Third grade year, my grandparents took me out of school, with the Head Master’s blessing, and I traveled.
To this very day, that is my most cherished memory. I scored a really amazing Minnie Mouse tricycle while visiting my Aunt in Germany, I learned the intricacies of European non-racial identity while waiting to see a doctor in Paris, I became an enviable yodeler in Switzerland, and jigged and reeled my way into local’s hearts in Ireland. I learned about the influence of the Moors on Spain, and perfected Flamenco with controlled, Arabic-tinged ululations.
The world at large has always been something I felt passionately about. I always believed I would end up living abroad, or doing work for an international entity. I have been suppressing that inner drive and silencing that voice that seeks to push me toward my passion, out of fear. Seeing your travels, and seeing you navigate the world and seeing you take up space, gives me so much hope that I may possibly be able to put the parachute pack on, and jump. I see how you come alive and I see you morph into ‘yourself.’ There is a part of me that just wants to try, and see if the woman within, the woman I have been looking for in my safe zone, the woman I have been trying to cultivate, may just magically appear when I am where I am meant to be, doing what I am passionate about. You are proof-positive of that. Thank you ever so much for sharing your travels, for paving the way, for using your past pain to show that wholeness is possible. By you stepping out and sharing your fears, and your journey to the woman you are today, you have undoubtedly placed a rung in the ladder and tossed down the keys to the rabbit hole. A scared, young-ish woman now has the courage to take a step, and open the door. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Waking this morning to read these words? It was a lovely gift. My heart is full.
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Wendy and I leave for Budapest in a matter of hours. Much of my anxiousness is under control thanks to your support, guidance and encouragement. I have followed your travels and have been envious of what you have enjoyed; and so, now is the time for us to join in the adventure of visiting new places, enjoying new meals and wines and taking tons of pictures to share the experience. I will have you with me in my heart and life will be a great adventure the next two weeks as we go. Love you and appreciate your spirit. Dad
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Thank you dad! You can do it. No worries or stress. You will have a great time!
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Nice to read. I have a spouse I adore but does not have the time from work to travel as much as I want to, children who are grown, and many good friends. But not everyone shares my passion for new experiences, travel, adventure and don’t want to spend hours doing what I like to do (perusing antique fairs for hours, hanging in museums, book stores and taking train rides through the countryside). I travel to Europe nearly every year by myself and I enjoy it. The safest I can recommend is to carefully select lodgings in a safest area you can afford and always be alert of your surroundings. Research everything on the internet about where you are going so you can enjoy once you arrive and there are no big surprises that may leave you in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation. I am usually too busy to be lonely and skyping to my family keeps me in touch.
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I love this! Great advice, and good for you for getting out there!
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Inspiring and wonderful reading about your experiences!
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My most fond memories are of me traveling solo at 18 & 19 and then again at 21. Without the Internet or cell phones or even the presence of American chain restaurants, I was able to fully immerse myself in different cultures in a way that people just can’t anymore. Whether I was the sender or the receiver /the giver or the recipient of a hello or another simple pleasantry- I was truly alone. Without a phone to look at – as we single women do these days when we don’t have someone with us… no crutch to immerse myself in. Sometimes yes, I would bring my journal… or a book I had already read… I traveled with one of those unruly backpacks.
It was hard at moments. To be solo. For me it wasn’t watching native families that gave me that pang of loneliness. It was the Americans I saw in hostels and international travelers my age whom had organized trips with friends…
So I do understand what you were feeling. Sometimes I would create narratives to make myself “feel better” at moments of loneliness- “Oh. They are fighting. They are unhappy. I’m so much more lucky!” And yes, there were definitely people that seemed caught in their situations, but what got rid of that loneliness for me, was self love and self kindness. And… embracing the experience that I could never of had if I had traveled non-solo.
I was able to decide what I wanted to do: all the time! How amazing! There was no one to tell me not to talk to a family on the train. There was no one to tell me I should not accept lodging from that other family I met with three children and a scruffy dog, or the free drinks from the tavern owner whom told me stories about the small town in Greece, excited to practice her English with another feminist.
I think because I was so young, and because the time was so different then (I’m a few years older than you) that I was accustomed to the ways of men whom believe it is their right to grope or paw a woman – I just shrugged it off… well, in one instance, I took my pensione key and poked a man in the eye – he had tried to push me into a car.
The Police of Rome (they were armed w/weaponry) said: But you a beautiful woo-man-a … you traveling alone! You need husband.
To which I replied: No. I had my key!
What I mean to say, is, even with that one experience, the joy and freedom of traveling solo to, in and around over a dozen countries at that young age was glorious!
And I came to understand the difference between alone and lonely. And to accept my sometime loneliness.
Because even though it came with a cost, the cost was so much smaller than the surplus of joy, amazement, and learning that I received/got and then utilized in my life.
Anyway- all this to say, I’m enjoying your posts, which I stumbled upon. And I understand your joys of solo traveling. And your sometime loneliness.
Keep traveling Lisa!
Xxoxo-b
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Many thanks to you.
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